There are enough articles, blog posts, and inspirational images being passed around telling the world that one of the most important ways to lead a happy life is to stop comparing yourself to others. Stop being jealous of everyone else!
Okay, but how? That's like telling an overweight person to stop being fat, or a kid with poor grades to stop being stupid. Just stop being jealous!
Thanks for the advice! [passive-aggressive smiley face]
A--hole.
I am no stranger to being jealous of others. I touched lightly upon the subject of living with competitiveness and perfectionism in my own personal life in an earlier post. Having a competitive and perfectionist personality can lead to a lot of jealousy. And it can be towards anyone - family/friends or complete strangers, famous or not-so-famous, extremely successful or just a little bit successful. If I see or hear about someone doing something that seems better than what I'm doing at this very moment, then that evil, green-eyed monster begins to rear its ugly head.
So, how do we even begin? Jealousy can be a strong trait and, from personal experience, one that is difficult to correct. But there are ways, my friends. It gets better! We can become better!
Thanks to social networking sites, it has become increasingly difficult to stop comparing yourself to others. But just remember this: you're only seeing the highlights. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes of their Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram feed. Of course most people are only going to post about the exciting and new things in their lives. Not everyone is going to constantly update their feeds with, "Nothing on TV. Guess I'll just binge watch some Hoarders and Honey Boo Boo while finishing off this fresh pint of ice cream I just opened five minutes ago." ... Well, maybe I might... but not your average FB oversharer.
In addition to them choosing to not share the not-so-illustrious moments of their lives, have you also considered how hard these people worked or what they've had to go through to achieve their success? Probably not.
The point is that you know everything about yourself - your strengths AND your weaknesses. You know when and where you messed up (for the most part), but you don't know these same sort of intimate details about these other people. You only know what they share, and most people only share the good stuff. So, try to stop comparing your lowest to their highest - you'll never win.
| Putting Facebook feeds into perspective. "What's On Your Mind?" by the HigtonBros. |
Okay, great. I know what to look out for. So, now what? Stop being fat? Yeah, f- you, too!
I received some great advice from a coworker recently. She was telling me about a rough break-up and how she had to find a new place to live ASAP. A family friend offered her a room until she could get back on her feet again. Unfortunately, she and her new roommate didn't click very well (friends don't always make the best roommates), and my coworker found herself in yet another unpleasant situation.
She didn't have any other options open to her, so she decided to stick it out. Eventually, her relationship with her roommate and just things in general became better.
How? At the time, my coworker was also unemployed (which was one of the many points of contention between her and her new roommate), so she would go on long walks with her dog every day just to get out of the house. During these walks, she would meditate. Not in the sense where you sit cross-legged on the ground and om. It was more like when you're in the middle of doing a mindless activity (in her case, long walks), and you sort of let your mind wander and think about a billion random things.
Instead of thinking about what a jerk her roommate was being, my coworker decided to start praying for her roommate. She knew her roommate was having a hard time at work and going through personal problems of her own, so my coworker decided to start praying for her well-being. My coworker said that when she started doing that, she started to feel more at peace with herself and her situation, and felt genuinely happy for her roommate whenever good things came about.
I took that story to heart and decided to implement that practice into my own life. Call it prayer (if you're religious), meditation (if you're more "spiritual" than "religious"), or refocusing your thoughts (if you don't like using religious terminology at all) - whenever I do this, it always makes me feel a ton lighter.
It has to be something you do on a regular basis. It can be a part of your daily prayer or meditation (if that's what you do), but it can also be during a workout, or while you clean the house or do laundry. For me, it's in the shower. Whatever routine, mindless activity you perform where you can let your mind wander (and it usually ends up wandering towards how much you're really annoyed by this particular person) is the perfect time to do this.
And don't try to save the whole world. Try to only choose a few, specific people you feel strongly towards and have a relationship with, and be specific with the (good) things you want for them. I want this friend to have a good outcome with this project at work she's been stressed out about for the last month. I want that friend to find clarity and the strength to accomplish a particular life goal. Things that you know these people in your life are going through and could use the extra love and support in dealing with.
When you start training your mind to want good things for those around you, you start to feel genuinely happy for them and their achievements. Maybe you might get a little haughty (or slightly delusional) and start wondering if these good things didn't come about because of your prayers for them, but at least you'll feel happy, and perhaps not as jealous of your friends' and family members' accomplishments.
